The Job Market is Picking Up… Poop

Business, Humor
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Just a job, or metaphor for the economy?

One of the alleged 162,000 jobs created in March can be found in Snohomish, Washington. Although the gig only pays $8.55/hour, it’s a real resume builder. What minimum wage job posted on Craigslist inspired 260 applications from people aged fourteen to sexagenarian? Why, being a kennel helper at Roscoe’s Ranch, owned by Guy Palumbo, of course. The job posting is quite clear in explaining that duties include scooping dog poop. Who is desperate enough to take this job? According to Recession’s untold story, just about everyone:

A laid-off graphic designer applied. So did a freelance photographer. Two out-of-work teachers sent résumés. Remarkably, so did someone in their mid-40s who had worked as a financial controller at an environmental-services company.

“There are a few people in here, such as accountants, who are so overqualified for this job,” Palumbo said. “I know people just want to work but I don’t think it would make much sense for me to hire them.”

The rest of the applicants read like a recession roll call.

There are past customer-service reps from WaMu, AT&T, J.C. Penney and Sprint. A slew of retail clerks and cashiers, as well as out-of-work waiters. The biggest group, by far, is dozens of laborers, construction workers, landscapers and maintenance workers.

This must be one of those mythical “green shoots” I’ve been hearing so much about on CNBC and other establishment media outlets. Maybe if the likes of Larry Kudlow and Bob Shrum pile this manure high enough something will grow out of it — most likely a fungus.

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Nudity Demands Police Intervention

Humor, Nanny Statism, Private Security & Law
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Boston Licensing Board Chairman Daniel Pokaski thinks hotel staff aren’t capable of dealing with nudity in their own establishment and police intervention is necessary. According to the Universal Hub, on March 3 a woman was in the lobby of the Doubletree Hotel on Washington Street, naked from the waist down. “The hotel security guard who found the woman told the board she appeared to be OK, aside from the fact she had no clothes south of her waist and that he figured she was drunk, wanted to avoid further embarrassment and that the other two women seemed to have things under control.”

Seems logical, right? I’ve never been on such a bender where I ended up half-naked in a hotel lobby, but hey, things happen. Nakie lady had two ladies with her who were apparently taking care of the situation. A car was called, nakie lady was taken outside, no more nudity in the place of business. Yet the police should have been called!   …

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We are not amused at your nanny-state prank. Now pull your weeds or ELSE.

Humor, Nanny Statism
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april fool's!Given that Boulder is home to the University of Colorado — a former “top party school” — you’d think April Fool’s pranks would be more common than bong pipes and mountain bikes.  But the city seems less than amused at this inspired stunt that parodied municipal property codes:

Person or persons unknown have created a hoax door hanger declaring that homeowners who don’t remove the dust and insect larvae from their sidewalk cracks by noon tomorrow will receive a fine of up to $4,620.

“This is the only warning that this household will receive this spring!” the door hanger exclaims. “Please be sure your crack stays clean for the rest of the year!”

The “ticket” then goes on to suggest that if homeowners need help they can look up “Crack Removal Services” in the Yellow Pages.

Pretty funny, right?  But city officials were quick to point out that it wasn’t real:

[Boulder spokeswoman Judy Jacobson] knew right away that the door hanger wasn’t legit.

“It’s definitely a joke,” she says. “There’s no such code as the one it references. So it’s making fun of the City of Boulder — which is fine. But we just want to make sure nobody takes it seriously and sends us a check, or gets upset because we gave them a ticket. Because we didn’t leave this for them.”

It’s ironic that the city wants to reassure residents that they have no code mandating clean cracks, but don’t think twice about all of the other ordinances that require property owners to maintain their abodes and land in city-approved fashion.  Because they’re a joke as well, just not a very funny one.

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